For some unknown reason, I feel I need to move into something different. I’ve been posting daily content on my website for about two months now and I feel like I’m holding myself back. I’m not producing the content I wanted, such as writing an actual book. I started combining blog post and then adding them to Amazon, but I still feel a type of void. As if I’m not allowing myself my full potential. I feel I could do bigger and better things, but what?
I've written post days in advance and would slowly release them for the world to criticize. I’ve written shit that I went back and deleted because I didn’t think it would amount to anything. I’ve wasted hours writing and deleting my blog post? I feel as my best masterpiece has yet to be written or may never be written. I’ve devoured many books and blog post that others have written that I was sure was written for me. The material would be a stepping stone to something better, something more powerful than itself. That’s what I think is coming, something more powerful than this. Posting to my blog doesn’t bore me, no, it’s just I want to create more content elsewhere. Something more for people to criticize or more importantly, love.
I want to write books. No question about it. I want to research and re-research what interest me and write about it thoroughly in a book. I want to be a Malcolm Gladwell, I know, Good Luck With That. I want to write a book and forget about it and then write another book and forget about it. Who is reading this anyway? It’s of no importance to anyone but myself and frankly it’s just my thoughts. It’s just me bitching about what I want to do instead of doing it. It’s me saying that I spend too much time writing for my blog, then I do doing the research and writing for that book I’m so badly wanting to write. Good God Chris do something already. You’re always telling other to get up and do something, what are you doing?
What am I doing?
It’s funny how I can spend all this time writing about how you are the owner of the choices you make and I’m making the choice or excuses to not write that book. It’s my choice and I’m not doing it because I keep telling myself that my blog is really important. How I need to post daily content or I won't get the reader’s that I dearly want. How I can write the book anytime, but first let me get this post written, oh, and then I need to write a couple more post. After all that I go and watch TV because I’ve written a few days worth of post - I’m good. Fuck you, Chris, get off that damn couch and write that book. Post to your blog about it. You make the rules, no one else is holding you back. You are the gatekeeper. You hold the keys to unlock your mind to release the beast you’ve held captive because you "try" and standardize your blog as the first serve.
I really don’t have an answer as to what I should be doing to write the book I know I have in me. I enjoy writing for my blog and I feel as if it should come first. However, I know I can change the way I look at it anytime. Hell, I made the rules, right? I need to sleep on what I’m going to do, hell, I’m trying to procrastinate now - sleep on it! As I’m shaking my head because I’m being too hard-headed or stubborn I think I’ll end this here.
I need another The Beauty in The Beast kind of day!